I figured since I talked about my youngest having ADD, I would talk about my oldest girl who has depression….  I feel it is another subject with so much controversy.  She started out in counseling over a year ago, and it really had to do with a boy and her lack of confidence….  She stayed in counseling for about 4-5 months and then wanted to stop.   She was still never really happy and it didn’t matter what you did or said. I know I brought up medication,  but her dad at the time  didn’t feel there was anything wrong with her..  He never liked it when she started counseling and they labeled her as depressed and had anxiety…  I will never forget a day before the divorce happened that she was crying and telling me how she just couldn’t get happy that no matter what she did, she was always sad.  As a parent that literally breaks your heart.  All we want is for our kids to be happy.  Life should NOT be that hard for them, not like this at this age.  She did start counseling at that time again..  Once I moved out and had a chance of more time with her and really start concentrating on her behavior I realized and had a gut feeling there was more than what I even knew.    As you all know I am SO honest with my kids and share so much of my life and what I went through growing up.  I felt the need to tell her how I tried to take my own life when I was 20.  I wanted her to see  I understood what it was like to feel alone and to not be happy.    I also really wanted her to talk to me and share what was going on.  She said again, she just couldn’t get happy.  A few days later I had this feeling that I needed to read her journal.  I am not the parent who doesn’t trust their kids, but I just felt I had too..  When I sat down and started reading everyday and then every month, it was a theme…  Her screaming to herself that she is NOT happy and didn’t know how to be or get happy.  The last entry was June something and it said ” I don’t even know why I am alive and why I am here”  I knew in that very moment, she needed medicine and that this was more than what I had imagined.  I called her doctor to make an appointment to get her on medicine.  Weird side note when I had my first psychic reading in June, he had mentioned he was worried about her and saw suicide or cutting in her future, I told him I had already gotten her appointment and he said good, now I feel she will be ok….  So I talked to her after making the appointment and that I felt she needed to be on meds that things were not changing with counseling alone, she totally agreed.  To this day I have never told her I read her journal, but I think she knew.  Today, December 11th, she is a much a happier girl, smiles and laughs and now thinks about being a counselor herself.  I feel for the time she will be on this med for the rest of high school and we will see once she graduates where we go.  I hate to think about ever not thinking this was a problem or something she would grow out of.  Our kids are humans, with feeling and thoughts.  I believe it is our duty as there parents to hear them and help them however we can.  I know as parents it is hard to see our kids struggle and be unhappy, but I can’t even imagine a day with out my kids here.  So my advice IF your gut tells you something, listen to it.  Listen to your kids.

Leave a Reply