So this is Christmas….

As everyone is with family and doing there traditional things, I have taken all our decorations down including the tree.  Washed everyone’s bedding and staring on regular laundry.  It is Monday.  Which yes, happens to be Christmas Day.  To me, it is all different, but in a very good way.  Me and the kids had a really good Christmas Eve day and night and they left this morning at 9, to go to there dad’s and then his side of the family.  My youngest was sad last night as she always worries about me and misses me and says it is not the same without me there…..  I do feel bad as I do not want her sad ever.  I just told her to think of it this way:  She gets presents from me and then gets more from her dad, and reality she gets more than she would have if we were still together.  Then I said you get to go to your grandmas were you will get more things and see your cousins.   I just try and put it that way as an almost 11 year old  who loves presents! I said  I get to clean the house and put stuff away.  All things that make me happy.  And you will be coming back here later, so it is all good.  I know some think it is sad that I am alone, but really, I look at things so much differently now, in a positive good way.  I also don’t get much alone time, so I take it and do all things that matter to me.  I do think the older you get you realize Christmas is just another day.  We really should always be happy, treat others well and see our family and friends.  We don’t need a day to say this is now the time to do this.  I had options to go to some places, but I really just wanted my time.  This whole almost year has been about new beginnings for me and for my kids.  I just want to show them it is not a bad thing to have things different.  You don’t have to always do the same things on holidays or any day for that matter.  You just need to be open to new things….  I think for so long in my life I was not ok or I guess I should say had fear of being alone.  I find myself more and more really liking it.  I feel empowered as a person, making, doing, and being me.  So many truly don’t love themselves, or there place in life.  I feel beyond blessed that I truly do love me and love where I am in this very moment.  That really is what life is about, or should be.  I laughed when my youngest said last nigh “Mom I wish I got you more presents”  I looked at her and said, ” honestly babe, I don’t need or want presents, you, your sister and brother are my gifts.”  She of course thought that was weird, but one day I hope she understands that message.  I have to say, last night was the biggest gift I could have ever received as I had all 3 of my loves under my roof.  That has not happened since April 30th, my last night in our family home…..  So to wake up and they were all here, was beyond anything I could have unwrapped.  I look at life so very different now, as you always have two ways of looking at things, actually probably more than that.  I choose to look at life as an endless of possibilities and honestly that is a great gift.  No matter what hell you endure in life, there is always something better ahead and if  you believe in that, you will see all the great that lies ahead.   So yes, this is Christmas Day and I am sitting here writing, but I could not be any happier than right where I am.  Merry Christmas!!

Leave a Reply