Growing Pains

I would say the most challenging thing about growing as a person is accepting you will lose people along the way.  When people change, it is usually a big life event that triggers this and so in reality, there change is going to be pretty significant.  I would say that is a hard thing for everyone involved.  Hard to see someone you thought you knew and now they are just a different person.  Not bad, just doesn’t fit in your life anymore.  Saturday night my son had a basketball game and me and my youngest went.  Now I really don’t do a lot or go out much, so it was I knew going to be weird to see people, people who I once saw a lot of…  I saw a friend, one who my youngest has loved so much, they hugged, we did and to be honest it was so fake.  I walked away and haven’t stopped thinking about it since.  I really feel she has been more mad or not happy with me, which makes me feel bad.  I have never wanted or intentionally wanted to hurt anyone that has been in my life.  I for sure probably have been selfish in not thinking this is hard for others who have had a part in my life, but really, I can’t think about that.  I can’t worry if this is hard for them, because I have just been doing what I have needed to do for myself and my kids.  I guess part of me just believed if they knew me, they would know I would never hurt anyone, and that I have just been taking care of what I have needed to this whole time.  I have appreciated them reaching out to me, asking me to go out, just texting to say hi.   Me not responding, or reaching out in return is just because my life is so different now.  The way I think, feel and act towards things is not the same as it was before.  I have for sure felt more alone than together with people for quite sometime.  Yes, it gets lonely sometimes, but, it is just all apart of my growing and what is to come of my life.  I am embracing all the things that I have gone through and continue to go through.  I really have realized that each person who comes into your life is put there for a reason and a purpose.  I have also learned some stay for a short time, some longer and some if you are lucky for a lifetime…..  I don’t want to be judged, if you truly know me, you know I would never want bad feelings between us.  Just because things are different doesn’t mean I don’t love or miss you.  I feel truly blessed for all the wonderful people who have been, continue to be and the ones who haven’t entered my life.  I can’t apologize for who I am and who I am still changing into.  I am Rachel….

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