My mom, 6 years later…

April 11th 2012, I lost my mom.  She was only 64.  I can remember everything about that day and the days that led up to it.  I was reading Facebook memories today and realizing my life, how it was 6 years ago.  I was so filled with love knowing I did everything I knew at the time to do and how to be.  I got to have one last picture with her….  I got to have some amazing talks and to have her tell me she would be my guardian angel, and let me tell you she has been that. She is my driving force in my life today, the one who gives me strength, motivation and so much courage!  It is almost funny to me that in her death I feel closer to her than I did when she was alive on this earth.  I take it as a gift and her presence with me is so strong and probably always was, but I had to start feeling and realizing it.  I started thinking about how people, me included will say ” today would have been my moms birthday” or ” it has been 6 years since they died”.  For me when I say these things, they are done in love and joy.  Might sound weird, but I just feel like life is a gift and you have to remember we are all going to die… makes me laugh to say that as my dad always said to me ” No one makes it out alive” But with that comes so much comfort as I think of what I am doing here in this moment in my life, what I am trying to accomplish for my kids. There are  always negatives, BUT, I feel we really need to start focusing on the positives.  That is what I have been doing for along time now with my parents…  My mom especially, we didn’t always have a close bond, something I struggled with even in her death, but I look at my life lately and see and can feel how much she is here with me.  She had a hard life, struggled so much with so many things, but at the end of the day, she was a writer, healer, compassionate, and passionate human being who did what she could here on this earth.  But for me it is what she has done in her other life for me.  She has been here guiding me, showing me, really helping me.  I am who I am today because of her and what she went through and what she started….  I am just taking her place and believe me I take it full on in the most loving way.  I never really looked at her in her full potential here on earth, just thought of her as my parent, not a real human, who had all these feelings, but that is because of how I was raised and how my parents were.  That is for sure why I am a different parent and why I am REAL with my kids.  I want them to know I have feelings, struggles, dreams, hopes, everything!  So tomorrow for me is a celebration of my moms passing and her journey in her other life!  I could NOT be happier for her and I know she will be as she is everyday shining down and showing me all the great possibilities in my life.  Death is a hard thing in the sense you do not get to see or hear them in this life form, but believe me, they are always around you, you just have to be willing to see them…..  feel them, believe in them.  Thank you mom, for this gift you have given me!  I so love you and thank God for you!!

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