I woke up this morning and got into the shower, watched Friends on Netflix and started getting ready for the day.  Then it hit me, today is one year since my divorce was final.  For me marks the end of the firsts…  First holidays, birthdays, everything.  To be honest I am glad to have that all behind me and move on to all the other firsts that will be coming this next year!  This last week as been a whirlwind with my son’s grad party and then me leaving two days later for this retreat.  I feel like I have not had time to breath and take in what all has happened.  So that is why after my class and some lectures I left tonight to come home.  I had the most amazing time and met people from around the country and had one of the best teachers ever!  I just had this gut feeling all day that I needed to come home for my girls and I always listen to my knowing…  My oldest girl broke up with her boyfriend before I left and has been having a hard time all week, my youngest like I said was amazing but yesterday was getting sad and missing me.  Yes, I am missing my last class tomorrow, but sometimes there are more important things in life and you have to make those hard decisions.  Brings me back to today and how it was a year ago…  I am not sad or have any regrets at all for my decision, but I guess I just think about a time when I tried SO hard to make something work and nothing I did seemed to matter.  A place I do not want to visit again anytime soon….  I have learned so much about my kids this last year, their strength, love, and just who they are.  Most importantly I have learned about ME, what makes me happy and what doesn’t.  What I can tolerate and what I can’t.  Where I want to go in life and where I will not go again.  I don’t take divorce lightly as it is a way out for anyone who just decides there is something or someone greener on the other side.  Each choice you make always has a consequence, it is never an easy decision.  I had a lady in my class today ask if I have a boyfriend or am dating, I laughed and said no to both…  I know people still find that weird that I am not on any dating apps or whatever, but honestly that is not me and never will be.  When the time is right, I will know and I feel that person will be there.  I am in a place finally where I am good with being alone and being who I am.  My kids and my life are the main focus and attention right now.  Happiness is a state of being and I have been in that state for a long time now and just want to keep moving forward with whatever life has in store for me.  Tonight I am more than excited to sleep in my bed and have my baby girl next to me, oh and of course our fur babies 🙂

 

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