I have been talking to a friend who has a few people in her life who are going through divorces. She has reached out asking me at various times for some advice and wondering what to do for these people she cares so much about. Each have their own story, just as I did, but what is the absolute same is the feeling of grief, despair and wondering what the hell do you do now!!!
For me my journey was a little different as I had gone through all those emotions before I even ended my marriage. I have said before it was years in the making. I do however remember having those feelings at different parts of my life, the grief of my then husband having an affair, despair wondering how I could ever be happy again and ultimately once I ended my marriage wondering what the hell was I going to do. All I can say to anyone who is going through this, is love yourself, figure out how to do that. You did not create this whole marriage, it takes two, you can NOT blame yourself for others behaviors and actions, you can NOT carry that burden that you must have done something wrong. We are all humans, we all change, shift and grow, a powerful relationship has to be able to flow with this process. I am sure if you looked back on all the years of being married, you could see where there were times that you knew something was not right or that you or your spouse had changed. When we are in these moments, we don’t want to see what is in front of us, it is not clear till we are out of it. It takes two people who truly love, respect, support and would do anything for that person. I guess I would ask yourself, was that the person you were married too?
When it is all said and done, you need to be able to move on and away from harboring any anger, resentment or ill feelings, for the simple fact if you have children, they need to see that. You need to be able to forgive yourself, change your thoughts and to know this all happened for a reason, one that might not show up for awhile, but trust me IT WILL!!! Anytime someone hears that I am divorced and they say ” I am sorry”, I say, no please don’t be, it was a good thing, because that is exactly how I feel. Divorce is not the plague, it is something that happens when two people, either don’t love anymore or truly are not happy together in this place called marriage, really there are more reasons, whatever your reason is, it is a valid one. I looked at my divorce as a new beginning for me, a new life, I got and still get excited each and everyday about who I am, where I am heading and all of the possibilities out there. I would advise NOT to get on dating apps, website, blind dates, this is NOT going to help you, if anything it will confuse you even more. Getting divorced is NOT about trying to find someone new, to replace the old, at least not the way I chose to see it, it is about finding out who you are, what makes you happy, what you truly want for yourself.
I honestly send my love and support to all who are going down this road. It is not always an easy road, but I truly hope someday all who are going through this will have a feeling of joy, hope and most of all love for themselves.
And remember there are people around you to love, support you, they want to help anyway they can, let them. They say it takes a village to raise kids, well sometimes as adults, we still need that village. 🙂
I hope my writing has helped someone, if not you, someone you know. Life is full of unexpected things, some beautiful and some that we need to find the beauty within. Go find your beauty, it is there, waiting to be discovered.
Divorce doesn’t equal death, life is not over… It is just a new way of life, a new chapter, make it the best one yet. You will survive, you will blossom, you will feel love again. What will your new chapter be called? Who are you? Ask yourself these questions, you will find the answers.
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